you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
