He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
