dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
