i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
