I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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