he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
