i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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