South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
