Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
