remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
