then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
