Only a mothe r could love this liver
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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