What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Is it penis luge time yet?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
