dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
