i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
