I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
