oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
