i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
