Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
