if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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