I think I am morally bankrupt
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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