he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
