Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
