I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
