nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
