Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
