I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
