Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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