Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
