we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
