Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
