Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
