i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
