I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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