So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
