They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just invented taco cereal.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
