the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
