ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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