Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
