All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
