I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You made out with two different species that night
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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