I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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