So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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