So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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