GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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