Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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