I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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