Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
