This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
