I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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