The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
