So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
