thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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